Last year, I had a private conversation with my teenage son to discuss the possibility of my long-term boyfriend and I getting married. Despite approaching the topic delicately, my son was upset and vehemently opposed the idea, which was disappointing to me given his close and affectionate relationship with my partner!
I was hurt and confused by his reaction, so I decided to give him some time to process it. However, a year later we still haven’t resolved it, and my son hasn’t indicated he’s changed his opinion.
I have been with my partner for a long time and it felt like it was time to take our relationship to the next level. We had talked about marriage, but I wanted to make sure my son was on board before making any kind of commitment. After all, he was my priority, and I wanted him to be comfortable with whatever decision we made.
It has been difficult for me not only because this is something that is important to me, but also because I worry about the impact it might have on our relationship. I don’t want to push my son into something he doesn’t feel comfortable with, so I continue to tread lightly and remain patient as time passes.
I’m trying my best to respect his opinion and take it into consideration even though it’s something that I want too. I just hope that over time he’ll understand why this is important to me.
I feel like now is a good moment to revisit the topic, especially since the events of the past year have in some ways brought the three of us closer together. But I feel my son is very resistant to change, as many children are.
My partner too has been handling all these changes with remarkable patience, understanding the difficult situation we were in while making sure never ever to put pressure on me in any way whatsoever.
Raising such a sensitive subject with family members can always be hard. So, it’s commendable that you created the dialogue with your son last year. Even if it feels like nothing has changed since then, keep in mind that conversations like this are not easy and don’t happen overnight. Your son will have been processing what you had to say, and even if those thoughts remain unspoken, he may be coming around to the idea in his own time. As uncomfortable as it can feel to not see a direct result from having these conversations, know that they do plant seeds and they will in due time bear fruit.
here’s a table of actions you can take to tell your child you would like to remarry:
| Action | Description |
|---|---|
| Be honest and direct | Let your child know that you have met someone special and that you want to get remarried. Be honest about your feelings and your desire to start a new marriage and a new family. |
| Listen to your child | Your child may feel a range of emotions about your remarriage, from excitement to sadness to anger. Listen to your child’s concerns and be open to their feelings. |
| Reassure your child | Let your child know that your love for them will never change, and that your new spouse is not a replacement for them, but rather an addition to your family. Reassure your child that they will always be an important part of your life. |
| Give your child time | It may take some time for your child to adjust to the idea of a new marriage and a new family. Give them time to process their feelings and be patient as they adjust to the changes. |
| Involve your child | Involve your child in the wedding planning process and ask for their input on things like the guest list, the venue, and the menu. This will help them feel like they are a part of the process. |
| Encourage open communication | Encourage open communication between you and your child, and between your child and your new spouse. Make sure that your child feels heard and understood, and that their concerns are addressed. |
| Seek professional help if needed | If your child is struggling to deal with the changes, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in family issues. |
| Don’t force your child | Don’t force your child to spend time with your new spouse if they are not ready. Give them time to adjust at their own pace. |
| Be supportive | Help your child deal with the changes by being supportive and understanding. Let them know that you are there for them and that you love them no matter what. |
It’s truly admirable that you’re taking your son’s feelings into consideration in such a difficult situation. He’s old enough to understand why you value his opinion and appreciate him as an individual. This gesture from you will likely help him trust and respect your advice, since you took his feelings into account. With your positive approach, I’m sure that the entire process will progress much smoother this time around! Good luck!
Here are 7 tips to help you tell your child about your plans to remarry:
1. Don’t rush: Take your time to let your relationship with your new partner develop naturally and don’t push it on your child.
2. Talk openly about it: No matter how awkward it might seem, explain the situation in simple terms so that both you and your child can understand the dynamics of the new relationship together.
3. Spend quality time with them: Make an effort to do something fun together such as watching a movie or going out for a walk. This will help build up trust between you and your child while also helping them get used to the idea of their parent’s new relationship.
4. Respect boundaries: Allow some space where they can process their emotions and be sure to respect any boundaries they may have set.
5. Listen: Learning to listen is key in helping your child understand and accept a new relationship. Show them you’re interested in their opinions and feelings by asking questions and being patient with their answers.
6. Be consistent: Being consistent when engaging with your child will help them realize you are serious about the relationship, as well as that it is here to stay.
7. Invite them in: Involve your child in some of the decision-making related to your new partner such as choosing gifts or other activities where their opinion can be heard and valued. This will make them feel involved and important while also showing appreciation for their opinion on the matter.
Here are 9 FAQ’s on how to tell your child you want to remarry:
Q: How do I tell my child that I want to remarry?
A: Be honest and direct with your child. Let them know that you have met someone special and that you want to get married.
Q: When should I tell my child about my plans to remarry?
A: It’s best to tell your child as soon as possible, but make sure that you and your future spouse are committed to each other and that you have a solid plan for your future together.
Q: My child may not like my future spouse – what should I do?
A: Give your child time to get to know your future spouse. Encourage them to spend time together and find common interests. If your child still doesn’t like your future spouse, try to find out why and address their concerns.
Q: How can I make my child feel included in my remarriage plans?
A: Involve your child in the wedding planning process. Ask for their input on things like the guest list, the venue, and the menu. This will help them feel like they are a part of the process.
Q: What if my child is still struggling with the divorce?
A: Let your child know that you understand that the divorce was difficult for them, and that you are there to support them. Make sure that they know that your remarriage does not mean that you love them any less.
Q: Should you let your child know about a possible remarriage before I start dating again?
A: Yes, it’s important to let your child know that you are ready to start dating again and that you may meet someone special. This will help prepare them for the possibility of a future remarriage.
Q: How can I help my child adjust to my new spouse?
A: Give your child time to adjust to your new spouse. Encourage open communication and make sure that your child feels heard and understood. Don’t force your child to spend time with your new spouse if they are not ready.
Q: What if my child is worried about losing me to my new spouse and feels as if it’s a betrayal?
A: Let your child know that they will always be your child and that your love for them will never change. Reassure them that your new spouse is not a replacement for them, but rather an addition to the family.