My mother-in-law was always so critical; she seemed to always find something wrong with everything that my partner did, and she would rarely hesitate to let us know about it. She seemed determined to make sure we knew who was boss in the household and made me feel unwelcome whenever she was around.
Things got even worse when we had our son. She immediately began offering unsolicited advice on how we should raise him, from what kind of food he should eat to what time he should go to bed each night. On top of all this, she constantly belittled my wife in front of our son, which made me so angry that I sometimes found myself lost for words.
I had tried to talk calmly with her about her behavior but it usually ended up turning into a heated argument; she simply refused to accept any criticism or take responsibility for her actions. Even though I could see how much pain this caused my partner, there didn’t seem to be anything I could do about it except grit my teeth and bear it.
Ways to Deal with a Controlling Mother-In-Law
There is certainly an uncomfortable dynamic in your situation, but there could actually be a silver lining. Although it frustrates you that your partner can’t see why you and her mother don’t get along, it is a good sign. Not everyone gets along with their in-laws and so it can be a positive thing when one of the partners in a relationship has the respect for the other to show appreciation for their family. Little by little, you can puzzle out how to handle this ongoing challenge. You may find that being polite and kind to your mother-in-law despite any differences yields meaningful results in your partner’s ability to understand where you are coming from as well as in her own mother’s view of you. It may be difficult, but with patience and tactful communication, you can work through these feelings until they become second nature!
It might be hard to admit, but our relationships with our in-laws are not always easy. If your mother-in-law is particularly difficult to get along with, you may find yourself becoming increasingly frustrated and constructing ways to take offence at the little things she does. But no matter how strained the relationship may seem between you and your mother-in-law, it’s important to maintain a sense of perspective and understand that your feelings are only temporary – they won’t last forever. So if you’re struggling to express kindness towards your mother-in-law, take a step back and assess the situation objectively. A bit of space can give you the clarity needed to better manage your emotions – and ultimately bring peace back into your life.
No one deserves to be constantly put down and belittled, especially not our beloved family members. Understandably, you’re feeling aggravated by your mother-in-law’s behavior but it can be hard to find the courage to stand up for yourself or your family member. My suggestion would be that when she criticizes, try and respond calmly with an alternative suggestion. This could be difficult but this will help her understand that there are different approaches, give her respect for making an effort and the appreciation she is looking for, and avoid creating a power struggle. Make sure you clarify your boundaries and gently remind her of them if needed, so she can respect them in the long run. You all deserve better treatment than this!
Here’s a table on the topic of ways to deal with a controlling mother-in-law:
| Ways to Deal with a Controlling Mother-In-Law | Description |
|---|---|
| Let her know your boundaries | Communicate your expectations and boundaries to your mother-in-law clearly and respectfully. Use “I” statements to express how her behavior makes you feel. |
| Set limits on unannounced visits | If your mother-in-law tends to drop by unannounced, set clear limits on when and how often she can visit. This will help you maintain your own space and privacy. |
| Don’t engage in passive-aggressive behavior | Instead of engaging in passive-aggressive behavior, try to address issues directly and calmly. This will help you avoid conflict and maintain a respectful relationship with your mother-in-law. |
| Avoid being the center of attention | If your mother-in-law tends to dominate conversations or events, try to redirect the conversation or activity to include others. This will help you avoid being the center of attention and maintain a more balanced relationship. |
| Empathize with her perspective | Try to empathize with your mother-in-law’s perspective and understand where she’s coming from. This can help you find common ground and build a more positive relationship. |
| Don’t talk behind her back instead | Instead of talking behind your mother-in-law’s back, try to address issues directly with her. This will help you maintain a more honest and respectful relationship. |
Here are 8 FAQs on ways to deal with a controlling mother-in-law:
What are the signs you have a toxic mother-in-law?
Signs of a toxic mother-in-law may include constant criticism, manipulation, and a lack of respect for boundaries. She may also try to control your relationship with your spouse or try to turn your spouse against you.
How do you know if your mother-in-law is controlling?
Signs of a controlling mother-in-law may include trying to dictate your choices, criticizing your decisions, and demanding that you do things her way. She may also refuse to respect your boundaries, or try to interfere in your relationship with your spouse.
What are some ways to deal with an overbearing mother-in-law?
One way to deal with an overbearing mother-in-law is to set clear boundaries and communicate your expectations to her. You can also try to cultivate an individual relationship with her or seek the help of a therapist or mediator if necessary.
How can you let your mother-in-law know when she’s being disrespectful?
When your mother-in-law is being disrespectful, it’s important to address the behavior directly and calmly. Use “I” statements to express how her behavior makes you feel, and be clear about your expectations for how you should be treated.
What should you do if your mother-in-law is toxic?
If your mother-in-law is toxic, it’s important to prioritize your own mental health and well-being. This may mean setting clear boundaries, limiting contact with her, or seeking the help of a therapist or support group.
How can you deal with a controlling mother-in-law without causing conflict?
Dealing with a controlling mother-in-law can be difficult, but it’s important to approach the situation calmly and rationally. Try to set clear boundaries and respectfully communicate your expectations, and be willing to compromise when necessary.
What are some signs of a controlling mother-in-law?
Signs of a controlling mother-in-law may include trying to dictate your choices, criticizing your decisions, and demanding that you do things her way. She may also refuse to respect your boundaries, or try to interfere in your relationship with your spouse.
How can you deal with a disrespectful mother-in-law?
When dealing with a disrespectful mother-in-law, it’s important to address the behavior directly and calmly.
